Solitude

When the kids were home and my husband was away, I still had company to direct most of my moments. There seemed to always be errands to run or someone to drive to practice. But now that they’re gone I find myself with more and more solitary moments.

At first I rushed to fill in these time gaps. I would begin projects like making wreaths or organizing closets. Sometimes I would schedule projects on my calendar so my time was well spent. I was encouraged by how much I could get done on my own!

But time marched ahead and the projects began to fizzle out. I thought I should focus more on working out and staying in shape. Long beach walks were followed by strength training at the gym. Group classes were eventually added in. I was definitely busy but also rather drained. 

Finally I’ve realized that I don’t have to fill this solitary bucket with stuff. It feels good to sometimes do nothing. I can linger on a walk and listen to the rustling breeze or ocean waves. I can lay in bed and watch funny pet videos. I can just sit.

It used to be hard for me to sit. I would consider that I could be vacuuming. I could be folding laundry. I could be organizing closets or making wreaths! I don’t think I’m ready for the front porch rocking chair, but I can finally entertain the idea of pausing during the day.

This extra time is not something that I always have to fill. It’s a time to renew. It just took awhile to grant myself permission.