After reading my self help books and reflecting a lot lately on striving for inner peace, personal growth and individual fulfillment, I’ve realized that I’ve been following footsteps.
It’s not a blame game. I seek only to become more self aware. Walking out of the shadows for me is a metamorphosis and a realization that I can cast my own shadow. It’s time to contemplate which way to wander. It’s time to lead my own personal journey.
Up until now I’d been taking someone else’s lead. My mom’s footsteps were strong and loud. I felt safe in their wake. My husband’s footsteps are careful and sure. They make me feel grounded. My daughters’ footsteps are precarious but exciting. They make me feel needed and exhilarated and for awhile they made me feel fulfilled. But now I stand in the clearing with the sun above and a quietness in the air figuring out which way to cast my own shadow. Instead of following others and supporting them in their paths, I seek a path all of my own. This is a big journey for me that perhaps many of you have already taken. For me it is a giant new threshold and the door is quite heavy to open.
No one told me that I was going in the wrong direction. I never pondered that I could be supportive to the most important people in my life while also supporting and nurturing my own self growth. Instead I happily walked alongside others, forgetting to seek out a path that was separate. Then it just appeared while walking…..this giant clearing where there were no shadows but my own and it was up to me to step in some self propelled direction.
Change is terrifying. I certainly don’t feel very sure footed. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all of the possibilities and the realization that only I can push open the door to this new world of being. There is a gentle push within. There are whispers telling me to try something new…to take chances….to journey where my own feet take me and to strive for my own direction. It is a process. It is a responsibility to myself to forge a path of my own. And it is a great calling to this empty nester to emerge out of the shadows.
Good Luck Magpie 
From Wall Street Journal- Peggy Noonan,,, regarding talk of free universal day care among some candidates
No one spoke with compassion for parents, for mothers who forgo the earnings and status (“I have a job”) and relationships (“I’m not lonely all day”) of having a job to stay home with kids under 4. No one said that actually a lot of parents think the most important thing is to stay home and raise the kids, that many struggle to do it, and we might want to help them. No one noted we don’t give any particular honor to those who stay home, even though our culture depends on them.
What seemed to guide all the answers was a technocratic assumption that it’s best for little children to be raised by well-compensated strangers as mom is absorbed into the workforce, where she’ll finally achieve full self-actualization.
I post this, not to get political- not to say that excellent and affordable childcare isn’t of the utmost importance- not to advocate that there is only one right path for all women. Instead, I post the snippet from Noonan’s editorial to highlight that being a stay at home mom is quite different now, than in the past.
Mixed messages about the value (or lack thereof) of such an undertaking bombard and at the same time children’s homework and activity loads have actually decreased the free time that most moms have to claim for their own self actualization along the way. So it’s not surprising that moms who have dedicated their lives to their parents, children, and husband suddenly awake wondering what now? What happened to me?
I think your dedication is admirable and will be a wonderful springboard into, what has already become, your second act! Posting from my phone, please overlook any errors.
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Thank you so much for the kind words. That’s a very insightful article. I hope we reach a point where career moms and stay at home moms are all celebrated without sacrificing the support of one for the other.
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You are hitting your stride! Well written and exciting for you. You’ve already opened the first door…keep going!
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