Where Is My Teddy Bear?

Where is my teddy bear?

(Things that comfort us
After we’ve been the comforter
And still fill that role)

College kids need comforting too. There are the late night calls, the cryptic texts or worse….the week of no contact which is a big red flag ! These are all signs that a hug is needed in the form of calming words or just a familiar voice.  And it feels good to be the comforting force, that shoulder to lean on or to cry on, the landing strip for the SOS. “They still need us!” we tell ourselves with deep satisfaction.

But what about us? Where do we get our comfort? It seems like an easy question but I’ve found myself grappling for ways to “get through” some of those particularly trying days.

Back when our kids were home, we didn’t have time for this self based contemplation. We were too busy tying shoes, planning activities, driving to events – let me pause here because there was A LOT of driving- and giving hugs and encouragement at every stage. We were the teddy bear! But now we have more time to reflect and so much time to miss them. So i ask, where is my teddy bear? What comforts me? 

The list starts easy enough….my husband comforts me. My dogs give me emotional support. Walking the beach is calming. Obviously writing is an outlet. But what is it that really slows the tears and lessens the pain and gets me taking deep breaths so i can move forward. And then it hit me…….my dad. MY PARENT! He’s the one who can lift my spirit and magically transport me to my former child self (you know the one: that pre adulting form). 

Our kids can comfort us too but the idea here is how to treat the pain of their absence when we can’t be with them and possibly can’t connect with them at the moment.  Take the time to consider ways of feeling home within. 

I can’t overlook the comfort foods like my mom’s spaghetti and meatballs. Thank goodness she gave me that recipe. I can picture myself at the dinner table with her. There are the meals that I enjoyed preparing with the kids or the meals that were their favorites. Apart from all of our special comfort foods, sometimes it’s reassuring just to have the presence of someone while watching tv or sleeping. Dogs can help here too! And oh so many memories. I’m sure all of us have images that easily flash into our minds of our kids as children. Hold on to those memories that transport you to a safe and special place in time. I particularly adore the memories that put an instant smile on my face like the magic of a Christmas morning. It’s good to have a memory on file that causes you to laugh spontaneously and make people glance suspiciously your way.

Where is my teddy bear? In the phone calls with my dad; on the couch next to the dogs; on the beach walks near the ocean waves and in the back roads of the memories of my mind (Gentle On My Mind – The Band Perry , Lyrics and possible meanings )

Where is your teddy bear?