Where We Stand

Where we stand

In the places we linger
By the doorway
By the counter
Next to the refrigerator
In front of the stove
This is where the dirt collects
And grimy grease spots suggest
Something dropped
Or something dragged in
Not intentionally
But there you see
In spots and dots and skids
Those places we stand
Where we bring the outside in
No matter how much we dust ourselves off
Or wash our hands
Or shine our shoes
Those spots still follow us
They linger like trails of instances
And they tell us who to be and where to stand.

I WROTE THIS after wiping a spot on the floor in front of my refrigerator. I was reflecting on how moments follow us…even those we would rather leave behind. It could be something small or something tragic. 

All of our reactions flow into the wakes of our steps.  They can have a snowball effect if not addressed, rolling over future actions if ignored. All of those things we don’t like to talk about…the ickies…the elephants in the rooms…the tough breaks to face.  They are right there under our feet.

We want to make a clean break; a getaway.  I know I’ve had days where I’ve been in my car and daydreamed of driving on until the horizon somehow looked different and easier on the eyes.  There must be a place where these “things” can be lost.  It seems, however,  that they cannot be lost and that we have to sort through them in some manner. 

My mom explained to me once that the bad things that happen are just as important as the good things.  Together it all shapes us and resides in our being.  So it’s important to try to accept it all and receive the knowledge.  Even if the knowledge is to never let that happen again!  Or permission to allow ourselves to grieve and to be vulnerable.

I don’t think of a new year as a clean slate, but I do think that it is a good time to reflect on what last year taught us and how we can see the horizon with eyelids that are a little less heavy. 

…I was thinking, as I cleaned the spots in front of my refrigerator, that the dust is never finished settling.